too many commas

Reading, writing, editing and .... swimming

Just some random stuff going on:

My sister, my mom and I have been collaborating on a book. I can't get into the details too much right now, except that we have set what feels like an unreasonable deadline to finish. I'm really excited about it right now. My mom is the photographer, I'm the writer and my sister is the designer -- in short. We're going to self-publish.

I've also picked up the editing work I keep putting off. A friend is writing and self-publishing a novel, which I'm editing. But we've both been so busy that the project keeps getting put off. I'm finally starting it up again.

On a final book-related note, I have been rereading all my favorite books when I was a kid. I began with "A Wrinkle in Time" by Madeline L'Engle, which was one of my all-time favorites, and read "A Wind In the Door" for the first time, which didn't even come close to the greatness of the first book. I don't even want to read the rest of the series, because that was such a new-agey disappointment. Madeline, I miss you, but I just can't love everything you wrote. I'm sorry.

Then, I checked out a huge stack from the library: "Island of the Blue Dolphins," by Scott O'Dell; "The Indian in the Cupboard," by Lynne Reid Banks; "James and the Giant Peach," by Roald Dahl; and "Harriet the Spy," by Louise Fitzhugh. I just finished "Island of the Blue Dolphins," and I was impressed by how much I enjoyed it as an adult. Often, the books I loved fall short when I read them now.

Next up: National Novel Writing Month, which starts Nov. 1. I decided this year's book will be fun and goofy, not serious, like they've been the past two years (when I got burned out and didn't finish). This one is a satirical romance novel about a smokin' hot police officer and a grammar-obsessed copy editor. It's called ... dun dun dun ... "The Cop and the Copy Editor."

No segue available
And on a completely unrelated note ... I've begun to swim a lot, ever since I hurt my knee and had to put a hold on my running. My knee is a lot better now, but I'm still taking it really slow so I can keep it that way. And I'm really enjoying the swimming, which I haven't done seriously since high school. I actually surpassed my high school swimming limits last weekend: I swam a mile without stopping for the first time in my life! I am still excited about that.

Read to me, baby!

I just discovered the wonders of using my iPod as a tool to help me clean.

I've never minded cleaning, as long as there's a distraction. But the problem is that the distraction is usually too, well, distracting. If I put on a TV show or a DVD, I inevitably end up sitting down to watch part of it. If I talk on the phone, I end up dropping it or getting a sore neck.

But iPods are great. All I have to do is stick it in my pocket, pop the earbuds in my ears and get sweeping, organizing, whatever.

Instead of just listening to a music playlist, however, I've been downloading audiobook podcasts, which is great because they're free and I can catch up on reading while being productive. It's a twofer. Right now, I'm listening to "The Adventures of Tom Sawyer."

I've also been considering listening to audiobooks while I work out, but that just seems too nerdy.

Because, you know, writing a grammar blog doesn't already qualify me as "too nerdy."

Book Festival

While it was still disgustingly dark out this morning, Mike and I hopped on the bus down to Brooklyn to check out the Brooklyn Book Festival.

Originally, I was a bit miffed that I had to come back early for work because I had to miss a few presentations I was really excited about, including one of my favorite writers, Dave Eggers, who spoke at 5. But it ended up being really fun anyway, and I walked around all day with a book high and a silly grin.

Here are a few highlights:

Three minorities and a microphone
One session, titled "Culture Crash," featured Ana Castillo, whom I studied -- and liked a lot -- in a Chicano literature class in college, and two writers I'd never heard of but really enjoyed, Amitov Ghosh and Colin Channer. They each read some of their works (note to self: buy all of them), and answered a few questions after the reading.

My favorite part was the (white) moderator, who apparently felt a duty to remind these three (minority) writers of the theme of the forum. He posed questions focusing on the "cultural," but the questions were really awkward and none of the writers seemed to be able to answer them. I love awkwardness over a microphone.

Two out of three ain't bad
I heard another much-liked writer, George Saunders (so funny!), read nonfiction, which was a nice surprise, since I've only read his fiction. I also fell in love with a new writer, Joshua Ferris, and cajoled Mike into buying his book so I could steal it. It appears to be written in the first-person plural ("We did this, we did that"), which is so weird and seems like something an English teacher would assign just to challenge her students.

But another woman who read with them -- Lynne Tillman -- was terrible. I felt sort of bad for her; she read after Ferris, who was kinda hot and charmed the crowd, and before Saunders, who was clearly the person everyone wanted to see. She was boring, droning and, worst of all, ridiculously pretentious. The best part of her reading was the snarky commentary Mike and I wrote back and forth in a notebook. Good thing she didn't go last, or nobody would have stuck around.

Word jealousy
The first event was a poetry slam featuring young (under 20) poets from Urban Word NYC, which seems like a really interesting program and one I would have thoroughly enjoyed as a teen. Too bad I first heard about it today. Some of the poets were incredible, to the point where I'd buy their books. And this, of course, made me ask myself WHAT, at 24, have I accomplished compared with the 19-year-old with a book deal?

Attack of the clones
I don't think I would find as many hipsters with plastic glasses and front-swept hair at a Tegan and Sara concert as there were at the book fest. It was as if every coffeehouse, Apple store and thrift shop in the city emptied out and poured onto one city block.

In addition, there apparently was a woman walking around the crowd who looked identical to me, although, as Mike put it, "a little more generic." Take that, less-hipster-looking-than-me girl!

"Your baby is DELICIOUS!"
My friend Steve ordered me to eat at the Original California Taqueria on Court Street in Brooklyn, and I was extremely grateful for the recommendation. The vegetarian burrito was delicious, although it was also the most awkwardly large thing I'd ever seen. If I had wrapped a blanket around it, people would have thought I was carrying a newborn with a crispy, flaky, delicious tortilla face.

Plain Jane can't get publishers to notice

A Jane Austen fan submitted the first chapters of "Pride and Prejudice," "Northanger Abbey" and "Persuasion" to 18 publishers, changing the names and titles but leaving everything the same.

Only ONE publisher recognized that it was plagiarism. Another called it "original" but didn't ask for more chapters. Every publisher rejected it.

I guess it must make budding authors who've been rejected feel a little better, though.

Read the story here. [via]

Fine literature meets sarcastic columns?

A few months ago, I was contacted by a textbook publisher about a column I wrote in college (see here, ignore the horrendous picture). They wanted to use it in an anthology of writings for a college writing class. I was excited but wary; I assumed there was a catch or it was some kind of scam.

But today, I got my book in the mail! My column is printed, along with an interview with me, some vocabulary words used in my column, an explanation of how I used persuasive writing and a bunch of essay questions analyzing my writing.

In the interview, they asked me the response I got about the column, and I included an e-mail my friend Ed sent me:

"Deer Ms. England, You're column of the 14th was absolutely transpired.  I especially liked the way in witch u pointed out people's common failings that even spell-czech wont catch. I hope u find many dates in the future who either already appreciate or grow too realize the true beauty of grammer. Thank's for the laughs, witch made me disrupt the quite calm of are newsroom here in South Bend."

It's so funny to read some of these essay questions, which break apart my writing like it's a piece of 19th-century literature, not a grammar-rant column about online dating and "Saved by the Bell" written in less than an hour.

But who am I to kid? I'm so excited.

Here is a sampling of some of the essay questions, taken from "America Now."

Three nerdy book sites

SHELFARI
I discovered Shelfari a few weeks ago, and I'm completely obsessed. On Shelfari, you create a virtual bookshelf of all the books you own and all the books you wish you owned. It's a good way to show off your library without having scores of people poking around your house. Check out my bookshelf here.

BOOKCROSSING
Bookcrossing is a site where you "release" a book into the wild and see where it goes. You register the book on the site, print up a sticker with the book ID number, and stick it on the book. When someone finds the book, they log on, and you get to watch it travel from hand to hand. It's a fun way to get rid of books you know you won't read again and promote literary knowledge ... or something. See my swaps here. 

WHAT SHOULD I READ NEXT?
On What Should I Read Next, you type in a book you loved, and it suggests other books for you to read. Sometimes it's really random; if you type in "Atlas Shrugged," for example, it suggests " All Marketers Are Liars: The Power of Telling Authentic Stories in a Low-Trust World" by Seth Godin. Interesting.

Like, an atlas?

I have a sinus infection and an ear infection. I actually think I got it in August, pretended it was a cold, ignored it until it (sort of) went away, and then let it incubate in my body until it became much, much worse.

Finally, today, four months after contracting the illness, I went to the walk-in clinic to get some antibiotics.

I knew, since everyone is sick right now, that it would be a while, so I grabbed Atlas Shrugged and prepared to settle down for some good reading. Hell, with the way walk-in clinics usually go, I could finish the thousand-plus-page book by the time I got in.

I sat in the incredibly crowded waiting room and continued my love affair with Hank Rearden silently despite my sniffles and coughs. A woman and her teenage daughter sat across from me, squabbling about how the daughter was "so embarrassing" at the counter by being rude to the receptionist. Another woman and her son, about the same age as the girl, sat next to me, and the boy began flirting wth the girl, whom he knew from school. They took turns insulting each other, and he grabbed a copy of the Times Herald-Record (my paper) and began reading her a quiz from the entertainment section.

Both the girl and the boy took turns insulting their respective parents in a mating ritual that, apparently, I missed in high school. Then the boy turned to me.

"Dude," he said, pointing at my book. "Are you, like, reading the Bible?" His voice made it apparent that it would, like, be the most EMBARRASSING book to be caught reading.

I really wished it was the Bible. Instead, I rolled my eyes and showed him the cover.

"Atlas Shrugged?" He laughed, looking back at the girl. "Are you, like, a nerd? Why would you want to READ an atlas? How lame. Are you, like, going on a trip?"

His mother looked horrified.

I closed my book and looked at him. He was one of those kids who, in college (if he ever gets in) will be the one who ends up in the hospital because he tries to chug two gallons of milk to impress his frat-boy buddies.

"You know," I said slowly. "I don't know if you know this, but being that uncultured won't get you chicks."

The girl laughed. "Oh, snap!" she shouted. His mom just looked amused. He looked down.

At that instant, the nurse walked out and called my name, giving me a perfect sitcom exit.

BookCrossing

First, if you haven't been to BookCrossing, go there now.

Second, I just registered 17 books on it (more to come) and have written reviews for some of them (the rest also are to come).

I'm going to release these books "into the wild," as the site says, somewhere near me if one of you doesn't claim them by Friday.

If you do want one of the books, I'll mail it to you. All you have to do is sign up at bookcrossing, read the book and write a review. When you're finished with the book, release it somewhere else, either by giving it to a friend or by leaving it in a public place.

And here's the list:

1. The Invisible Man - Ralph Ellison
2. The Communist Manifesto - Marks, Engels
3. Post Office - Charles Bukowski
4. White Teeth - Zadie Smith
5. Lady into Fox - David Garnett
6. Animal Farm - George Orwell
7. The Metamorphosis - Franz Kafka
8. Naked - David Sedaris
9. The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold
10. Lord of the Flies - William Golding
11. Cause Celeb - Helen Fielding
12. Night - Elie Wiesel
13. How the Garcia Girls Lost Their Accents - Julia Alvarez
14. Atlas Shrugged - Ayn Rand
15. The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown
16. We the Living - Ayn Rand
17. Frankenstein - Mary Shelley

E-mail me or leave a message here if you want me to send you the book. Happy crossing!

White Teeth fading

I just finished Zadie Smith's White Teeth, and I am not even sure what to say about it. The writing is great; I spent most of the time reading parts out loud to anyone who would listen and giggling at Smith's clever wordage.

The basic story is about two war buddies, Samad and Archie, who end up being neighbors. It tracks them, their families and friends through their life in a way that is both sympathetic and mocking. Peppered throughout the story are funny, tongue-in-cheek comments on racism and general society, written in a way that didn't annoy me, which is often a rarity in so-called "social commentary."

The book was zany, fun and sweet at the same time.

The problem? It's just too damn long. The humor and originality start to get old. The issues become a bit preachy. And the plot isn't strong enough to sustain it all.

But that said, it was still an enjoyable read, even if it did lag a bit.

Where have you been all my life?

I have had a ton of these moments recently, where I discover something I feel like I should have known about much sooner. Topping the list:

1. Sherlock Holmes books I just finished A Study in Scarlet, and am in the middle of The Sign of Four and I can't believe I made it to 23 without ever reading one of these books. They're the perfect mystery stories, without any of the dramatic irony that ruins the mystery of stories. I hate knowing whodunnit before the lead characters, and in this, Sherlock solves the mystery while Watson (and I) sit there thinking, WTF? It's just damn great.

2. Cat Power She reminds me a bit of PJ Harvey and Neko Case with something else mixed in. I can't get enough of The Greatest, her newest album, and I feel lame for just discovering her.

3. Middletown Thrall Library I have lived here for almost a year and haven't been to the library yet. Me! The book junkie! Which means I've spent far too much purchasing books, so that has to end. I just got a library card today, and the stacks themselves are mighty impressive. It has high ceilings, random corridors and rooms and a general sense of awesomeness. It even has a reading room with a fireplace.